Composed of alphabetized sentences from dream diaries, 2003-05.

***

In my dream…

A large woman approaches me in a gym-like setting and offers to go down on me in a restroom stall.

As I am wondering if I will come, I come. At the same time Emily is trying to grab my tits—I pay no attention to her.

Due to a mysterious mishap with an industrial-sized sewing machine, my left leg gets totally cut off.

***

Everyone’s a family and playing in bathtubs. F. and I get away somehow. F. pours out libations to the spirit world. Her pinkie finger has become stuck in a weird position.

***

He says, “It’s like believing in God in Canada.” He says, “You want me so much,” grabbing my ass. He says I need to take my clothes off. He says, “Will you be needing the teapot?” He shoves his face in my boobs, then we make out wildly. He takes me to see a significant performance. He turns around and starts kissing my nipples.

I am an enemy to myself.

***

I am making out with a bunch of different guys in the bathroom, while simultaneously reading my diary. I am walking through the rain and admiring the fluorescent lights of Chinatown.

I am wearing two bras on the outside of my shirt, a man’s disembodied hand rests over one of my breasts.

I am with F., kissing her, but this doesn’t last.

I ask her where she is. She says, “22nd and Wednesday. Because in Staten Island, they name the streets like that.”

I ask the bartender how much does a bourbon sour cost, she says $5. I come then, screaming loudly.

I dream a man places my hand on his hard cock and says, “Does that feel good?”

I get a gun. I get caught in a waterfall. I go home.

***

I have to send an enormous lasagne to someone. I have a cat. I have a short new hairdo. I dislike it.

I have just escaped from a basement full of dirt.

I leave my body, do a slow motion backflip through the sky, call his name then wake up coming.

I like this place very much.

***

I masturbate in a convenience store, but I don’t come. I need to clean the gold paint off the rug or I will be caught and sent to prison.

I pour a viscous fluid on the ground to demonstrate that I can handle death. I rationalize having sex with my father, telling myself I haven’t fucked in months.

I strap the leg back on and achieve a kind of mobility. I touch his cock but we don’t fuck yet. I try to masturbate behind a bush, unsuccessfully. I try to teach him how to kiss me properly, while the apocalypse is approaching. I wear a long leather coat.

I wonder if I can change the plot of the film, so I grab his cock.

***

In my dream we are bandits; there is a narrator discussing our relationship. In the deli, F. grabs my breast: the men laugh and point at us, tell us to have a good time at home tonight. In the spirit world, I bite into a rotten banana, then throw it on the ground.

Later I told my mom, “He fucked me in the ass and wouldn’t let me come.” Lydia Lunch is our motivational speaker. Marilyn Manson offers me a summer internship. Matt in particular manipulates me into thinking he’s ill but is actually just trying to take pornographic pictures of me.

Moisture spills out of my cunt and down my legs in public. I’m not wearing any pants. My cunt’s so wet it’s dripping onto my thigh. My life is dangerous.

My mother tells me she had my brain tested by medical doctors. My professor tries to touch my breasts.

***

On vacation with my family, I ride a racehorse while wearing a skirt. People don’t realize they are turning others into vampires. Samantha Morton in Morvern Callar takes her clothes off and asks me to paint her. She says, “I think it’s a property of Capricorns that they sometimes just need to come immediately.” Someone tells me I’m very dirty and I look in the mirror and I have a ring of dirt around my neck.

The ocean had risen to such a degree that it was coming in under our door and hitting the cabinets under the sink.

The water in the world has become very scarce. I read a book about this new problem.

***

Then he grabs my throat and asks if that works for me in bed.

Then I reach between us and grab his cock.

Then, because his cock is pointing upwards, he comes in his own mouth.

***

This place might have interesting things lurking behind each door. We are going to consult the Oracle at Delphi, because it is the end of the world. We are going to fuck, at my request, but he needs to read a manual on condoms. We blow coke; my mom does a line off my arm.

We fuck on the floor then stop. We have sex. We kiss for a long time. We sleep together in an attic room someplace. We’re at the falafel store when we start having sex with our clothes on. You also fuck me in a moving train. You use your hands on me a lot.